Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
