he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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