I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
