what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
