She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
4 words: hood of his car
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I deserve this hangover.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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