i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
