you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
