Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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