not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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