I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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