I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Randomize
