So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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