So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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