yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
