she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
