T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
