If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
