My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
