Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
