she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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