Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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