Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
