I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
