sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
