I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
