Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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