She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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