There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
