i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
