she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
