There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
