WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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