I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no you cant smoke seaweed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
