DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
