It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
