Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
