Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
