Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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