margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
