I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
