I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
