The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
