mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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