pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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