i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There r osticjed everywhere
You took a bar mat shot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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