Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
