you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
