Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
