Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
