I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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