Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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