Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just cut my nipple shaving
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
