We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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