i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
