No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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