Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
