I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
